We Finally Got An Answer

I feel so guilty about not writing in a while. It’s been a crazy few weeks. I wish I could say that we got the call that she has picked us and we’re planning on bringing home two baby girls in a few months. But unfortunately I don’t have any such news to report.

Last Friday we got a call from our agency director to tell us that the expectant mother had officially decided that she wants to “try” to parent. She said the word “try” was operative. Apparently the young lady was feeling so hurt and rejected by the couple who backed out that she couldn’t bring herself to choose another family who would then, in her words, “just reject me all over again.” My heart kind of breaks for her. I’m also really angry at the family she chose who then decided they weren’t interested in adopting at all. Who does that??

Our social worker is very positive that this is not the last we will hear from her though. She’s certain that once the babies are born, this young lady will decide that she can’t parent. I won’t go into the private details of her life, but just know that it’s rough. She needs a ton of help and has none. She has no support system whatsoever. Can you imagine? Again, more than anything, I just feel heartbroken for her. I wish she knew the Lord so helplessness wouldn’t reign over her.

Honestly, I’m not upset about it. I feel very strongly in my heart that this isn’t over. Every time someone asks me how I’m feeling or how I’m doing, I know they expect me to be sad, but I’m not. I really and truly feel in my heart that she could still be ours. Last week, just a few days after receiving word that she wasn’t interested in choosing any family, our social worker called to let me know about five possible situations that we could send our profile to. None of them sounded good to me. Some of them are great situations for another family, but in my heart I just knew they weren’t ours. Still, we sent our profile out because I don’t want our social worker thinking we’re nuts (or pathetically in denial) for holding out hope for a situation that from her perspective looks hopeless.

I prayed all week though that God wouldn’t allow us to be picked by someone who wasn’t right for us. So far two of the five have picked other families or ended up being way outside of our budget. Here’s an interesting situation:

On Monday of last week I got a frantic call from our social worker. She said they didn’t realize they were so low on their stack of family profiles for us, but they’d sent out our last copy that morning. She said they needed three more copies by Friday. She said that they HAD to arrive by Friday because there was one expectant mom in particular who she was certain would be a great match for us. After she described the situation to me, I felt certain it was not a good match. I had an instant feeling that she was just not our birthmother. But I didn’t know how to explain this feeling to our social worker who was convinced that on paper we looked like a great match. She wouldn’t understand my feelings of discernment.

So I ordered the books. Paid an extra $35 for over night shipping. The site said they would be there on Friday the 4th. Guaranteed.

Friday came and went, but the books never made it to our agency. We have always used Shutterfly, and never had any problems. I contacted them today, upset that the books didn’t arrive at the guaranteed date. Apparently there was a malfunction of some sort while they were being printed and they were basically ruined. They had to start production over completely. They’ll arrive in two days. We get a full shipping refund. Yay. But then I started thinking about it. About the delay. About my prayers that God wouldn’t let us fall into a match that wasn’t right for us. About my social workers eagerness over this one mom and my certainty from the Lord that she wasn’t right for us…

What if those books weren’t ready because God didn’t want them to be ready? I mean, sure it could just be a coincidence. But then again…Maybe not. The books went out to her over the weekend, and we weren’t included. I got a call from our social worker today filling us in on the information about this mother, asking if we wanted her to somehow send her a link to our profile book anyway since they can be viewed online if you share the link with someone. We told her no thanks. She was fine with it. If our books had arrived on Friday, they’d be in her hands today. Maybe they were never supposed to be in her hands. Or maybe I’m just looking for signs where there are none. I don’t know. It’s interesting to say the least.

We’re still praying for the mother of the twins. We’re still praying for the twins. I’m still hoping desperately that they are ours. If she changes her mind and decides to place them after they are born, we wouldn’t have to pay the expensive pass through fees associated with this situation. We also would not have the worry and anxiety that she might change her mind again before the babies are born and decide to parent. When you get a call and a baby is born and free for adoption {all rights have already been signed and all you need to do is come pick up your precious bundle}, it’s referred to as a “baby born situation.” These are fantastic. Ideal. Wonderful. But rare. But if she decided after the babies are born that maybe she isn’t in a position to raise them herself, and she gives our agency a call again, that would be wonderful. And we would be there in a heartbeat.

I am praying that if they aren’t ours, God makes it really obvious. As long as we remain prayerful and dedicated to listening carefully for God’s voice, I don’t believe we’ll be led astray in this. In the meantime, I’m finishing up my undergrad degree {only EIGHT years after starting it…} this summer. I’ll finish it in July and begin working on my masters in August. That’s exciting and terrifying, but for now it’s distracting me from the adoption drama. Perhaps I was always supposed to finish in July so that my time will be freed up to care for some newborn baby girls due in August… But I don’t want to get ahead of myself. It would be wonderful, but if they aren’t ours, they aren’t ours. And I wouldn’t want to be in a situation that wasn’t right for us according to God’s will.

I hope you all forgive me for keeping you so closely informed for the past couple of weeks and then falling silent. I just needed to sort our my thoughts regarding her decision. I’m not sad, I’m not disappointed. I’m hopeful. Hopeful that this is all part of God’s plan, and it will make sense to us soon enough. Hopeful that even though I’m so tired of this wait {and believe me, I am}, we will get a baby out of this adoption. We will. It’s just a matter of time. It will happen. {You like how I just keep saying it over and over?} It will.

Thank you so much for your continued support and encouragement. It means the world to me. And thank you for being understanding that I just needed some time for the past couple of weeks to process everything. But I’m back. And I tackled another DIY project this weekend in Little’s room. I’ll write on it tomorrow! šŸ™‚

Blessings,

Kat

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Filed under Adoption General, Faith and Adoption, Personal Posts

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