We’re Still Hanging In Here…

I wish I had something new and exciting to report, but unfortunately we still don’t know anything. Travis contacted our social worker yesterday to ask her if she thought we might have an answer by this weekend, but she said the young lady is still carefully reviewing all of the profiles and probably won’t make a decision until Monday or Tuesday. Not what we wanted to hear, of course, but at least we can relax for the weekend.

In fact, I woke up this morning feeling completely calm and serene about it all, and then worry hit me because I thought, “Oh no! What if the lack of worry or what if the fact that I don’t feel the strong need to pray about it today means she’s already made her choice and it isn’t us??” But I guess that isn’t really rational. I just really want her to choose us, so I guess all of my fears are kind of reaching a nervous irrational point.

I feel kind of ashamed to admit this, but I was hoping she would see our profile and remember having seen us before, and then find out that we have family who lives near her son, and immediately think we’re the perfect match for her. I mean really, if she’d just picked us before instead of the other family, we would not have backed out of course…And she wouldn’t be looking at profiles again. But all of that sounds really prideful, and it makes me sound like I have a terrible attitude about this. Which, maybe I do. There’s no denying that my attitude is turning kind of … ugly. I’m getting frustrated and discouraged. I just really wanted her to fall in love with us immediately, so it concerns me that it’s taking her so long to decide. But I can’t imagine making such a huge decision as the one she’s making, especially after the disappointment of one family pulling out after a match was made. She must be so scared of choosing the wrong family again. I feel awful for the situation she’s in.

I’m trying very hard to be sympathetic to her situation, but at the same time I’m getting more and more impatient every day. Of course we haven’t been rejected, so I don’t know why I felt so discouraged after Travis spoke with our social worker, but I was. I’m still remaining prayerful, and I’m trying to remain faithful, but it’s so hard to maintain that same level of positivity and excitement when you start reaching the two week point. It’s just emotionally and physically exhausting to maintain the level of attention and vigilance I’ve dedicated to this situation for two weeks straight. It can’t be done and it really shouldn’t be done.

We’re still waiting, and I’m still hoping with all of my heart that these girls are ours. I’m constantly humbled and reminded how much we are loved by our Father when friends, family, and sweet people we don’t even know reach out to let us know they’re thinking of us or praying for us. It’s just been incredible.Ifthese girls are ours, we’ll have an incredible story to tell them as they’re growing up.

This entire experience has just been a wonderful testament to God’s love and faithfulness, regardless of what this mother decides to do. I know God loves us, and I know he has wonderful plans for us, and I can’t wait to see how he finishes our adoption story. I do know it will end with us finally getting a baby {or babies!} but I don’t know when that will be. Here’s hoping this is our last stressful wait for a match. Thank you again {I know I keep saying that} to EVERYONE who reads and shows their support through prayer, encouragement, kind words, or just by dropping in and keeping us in your thoughts. It means so incredibly much to us, and I’m so humbled by all of your care. I promise to keep you informed as this progresses.




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Filed under Faith and Adoption, Personal Posts

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