Category Archives: Adoption General

A Prayer from My Heart

Things with our adoption have been pretty discouraging lately. I won’t go into everything on here, but it’s been very frustrating and we seem to be moving backwards instead of forward. I am exhausted from this wait, and I know Travis is growing weary as well. I realize the wait is part of the adoption process, but we’ve had some other bumps along the way recently that have added to this already anxious time. Continue reading

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Seven Month Adoption Check In

** I want to start off by apologizing for the nearly half dozen email notifications about this post before it was finished. There was a server glitch and instead of automatically saving the draft for me while I was still writing, WordPress was publishing the drafts. Yikes! I deleted the unfinished published posts and I’m starting over. Sorry!**

In a week or so, we will have been a waiting family for seven months. SEVEN. That seems so long. I honestly thought we would be matched by now. Continue reading

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Why Would White Parents Adopt Outside of Their Race?

I’ve wanted to write this post for a long time, and recently actress Kristen Davis {from Sex and the City} made magazine covers when she adopted an African American baby girl. I read the articles online about her newest addition, but I also read the comments. There were quite a few questions from Caucasians and African Americans about why so many people are choosing to adopt outside of their own race. Because her baby is African American, the questions primarily centered around white people adopting black babies, but I’ve seen people raise their eyebrows at white people adopting Latino babies as well.  Continue reading

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Waiting sucks…

Waiting sucks. Waiting for anything is hard, but waiting for a baby? It’s particularly rough. Anyone who has waited for a pink line on a pregnancy test or waited for that call in an adoption understands how nerve-wracking it can be. Continue reading

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January 31, 2012 · 5:55 pm

Talking to Children About Adoption

Two big announcements before this post- first, I’m an aunt! My sister in law and brother in law {Travis’s brother} welcomed a baby girl this morning. She’s precious and perfectly healthy and we’re so thrilled to welcome her into our family. And secondly, I’ve added a new feature to my blog. It’s an Amazon bookstore full of hand-picked goodies approved by me.

The books I mention in today’s post are available for purchase in my amazon store, along with many other resources about Attachment Parenting, general parenting, raising kiddos in a Christian home, fun arts and crafts with your kids, Hyperemesis resources, and much more. All purchases made on Amazon {even for items not in my store} contribute a tiny portion to my blog. I’d love it if you could shop from my Amazon store when you’re browsing Amazon and help keep Love Makes a Family going strong! There’s a link to the store to the right of the main blog page. Continue reading

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Three Month Check In, New Possible Situation

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. Things at our house have been CRAZY. Travis scheduled a contest for his band every single Saturday in the month of October, and with my evening classes in another town on Tuesdays and Thursdays, it was just too much for us. I nearly crashed and burned, and I know he was eager for it all to come to an end too. We won’t schedule that much next fall. I’ve been so exhausted I could hardly think straight. Today is actually the first day in about a month I woke up feeling even slightly rested. Little slept until 8, so that’s probably why. Continue reading

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Two Month Check In

I’m currently retaking New Testament History. I took it seven years ago {yeesh}, and my personal life was in chaos so my grade was not so bueno. {I also did not to do well in Spanish.} I needed another hour this semester to qualify for financial aid, so NT it was.

We’re reading through 1 and 2 Corinthians this week, and I landed on a passage yesterday in my homework that I so so so needed right now. Usually when I’m studying these scriptures, my heart stays out of it. It’s weird how someone can do that. Ministerial students sometimes skip their personal devotional and prayer times because we spend so much of our time studying the Bible from an academic perspective. “I’m covered,” I think, after three hours of studying the canonization of the Pauline epistles. But spiritually, I’m not.

I related to this passage because I’ve been feeling discouraged lately.

…We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. – 2 Corinthians 4:7-9.

I think the reason I feel discouraged lately is because I’ve been at war with myself. I carry this guilt with me that says I have no right to feel anxious or discouraged, and that makes me feel even more discouraged. Rationally, I realize that people add children to their family because something in their heart tells them that their family is not complete. It takes nothing away from the older child or children. But irrationally, there’s a voice in me that says, “You shouldn’t feel anxious for another baby when you have a perfectly healthy, happy one right in front of you.”

When I see more and more babies popping up among friends and Travis’s affiliates, I feel frustrated. I’m not being coy to say there’s nothing we can do to speed up this process… unlike couples trying to conceive. It leaves me with a feeling of anxiousness, because my fate is in the hands of others. I have to remind myself that the ladies at our agency may be in charge of this process, but God is in charge of them, and while I may worry about their humanness, I never doubt him.

I can relate to the verse above because I feel pressed and perplexed. I’m not in despair, and I’m not crushed, but I do feel frustrated. I feel anxious. I feel at war with myself, because I feel like I shouldn’t feel frustrated or anxious. “You’ve only been waiting for 2 months…” the sneaky mean me says. But really, Travis and I started saving our money, pulling paperwork, and calling agencies to begin our homestudy 21 months ago. Twenty-one months of trying to get a baby, step by awful step. I can’t ignore the fact that if we were able to healthfully have babies biologically, we probably would have started trying to conceive at that point. And then my mind jumps to the fact that we would probably already have a baby by now. I’d already be done with the inevitable HG torture, and we’d have a new precious little one in our family.

I still feel like it’s worth it… Because I’m convinced that HG is not worth it for me. Not when I have the burden of babies on my heart who need a loving and stable home. Not when it’s been brought to my attention that some babies are undesirable because of their skin tone or ethnicity. I can’t ignore that, and it really does make my heart ache. So we continue on with this process, despite the fact that it’s certainly driving me NUTS.

I figure that God’s calendar is marked with the day a baby will become ours. We’re creeping closer to that surprise date, even though we don’t know when it is, I have faith in my heart that this day exists. Our baby day could be sitting on a breezy day in November, or a cold evening in January. I still feel like it’ll be soon. I made a friend on our adoption forum who has been waiting with me for her second baby. Her family also started their homestudy in April. She also has a beautiful little boy who is not too much younger than Little Bug. She has also been praying and hoping for a little girl. And last week she got HER call. An expectant woman picked her family’s book, and the social worker called excitedly to give her the news. I’m thrilled for her, but there was a moment of feeling bummed {selfishly} because my waiting buddy is now “pregnant” and I’m still trying. I know our day will happen soon.

Two months really isn’t long, but when you’re in the thick of it and it seems absolutely every person you know -both family, friends, and co-workers- are expecting, it’s hard. It’s kind of emotionally draining, because just as soon as I feel jealous or sad for myself, there’s that nasty voice in my head that says, “But you already have a baby…you don’t have any right to be jealous.” But I think the jealousy is okay. It’s natural. Yes, some of them are having their first and I’m anxiously awaiting our second, but wanting another baby doesn’t diminish my love or gratefulness for Little. It simply means there’s an ache in our hearts that tells us our family isn’t done yet. We aren’t whole. There’s someone missing, and we’re trying to find her. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

I’m happy for those around us, but lately I have a very hard time taking in the baby announcements, showers, ultrasound pictures, and adorable nursery decor. It seems like every time I log onto Facebook, another friend from college or high school is expecting. And my mailbox spills excited announcements and invitations. It’s just this season of life we’re in. It’s hard knowing at only 25 that children in my future are limited and will not come to us easily. It’s also hard not to think about that when sharing in the joy of family and friends who are enjoying perfect, healthy pregnancies. Sometimes its easier for me to just not talk about it. I mourn the pregnancy I never had, and constantly compare myself to them. And I mourn the baby girl my heart wants so badly who is out there somewhere…It just feels so difficult. I hate being so overly sensitive like this.

I guess this month has been full of baby sensitivity, anxiousness, frustration, and “you shouldn’t feel those things” guilt. Kind of complicated. Maybe something will happen around the holidays! That would be a wonderful Christmas surprise! We’ll see… I keep thinking something might happen then, but who knows…

Kat

 

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He Wasn’t Ours

I heard from our agency director yesterday afternoon. She sent me a very short, straightforward email. I appreciate that. She said that the girl chose a different family, and that she made her choice very quickly after sitting down with the adoption specialist and the stack of profiles. Our director said she thinks this is a case of a very young girl making a quick decision, like ripping off a band-aide. Continue reading

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“Happy” Endings to Adoption Stories

Bear with me. This post is more of a rant than anything else. But we all need those every once in a while, right?

I was just on a parenting website and landed on an article about adoption. The story followed all of the stereotypical adoption story lines: Continue reading

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First Possible Situation…

That we know of.

Let me clarify. Our agency may have shown our profile to 200 expectant women by now {crazy exaggeration} but we wouldn’t know it. Two days ago, I actually got an email from our director about a possible situation with an agency that they sometimes help who was looking for a family for a one month old baby boy. The fees were way too high with this other agency, so we couldn’t even consider it. However, this morning I got a call asking us if we’d like to be shown to one particular situation with a young lady expecting a baby boy. This one is through our own agency, and well within our budget. She’s healthy, baby’s believed to be healthy. She’s Caucasian, and baby is biracial {could be Hispanic/White or African American/White}. Everything sounds good. Continue reading

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